In this rare and tightly framed exchange, Richie Vetter—former confidant, financial gatekeeper, and early collaborator on Wallflower of the Year—speaks to the entanglements that shaped EsRā’s inception and the silences that followed. Vetter’s proximity to the project’s emotional and legal architecture positioned him as both witness and participant, yet his refusal to testify in court left a conspicuous void in the evidentiary record. This excerpt captures the tension between loyalty and liability, and the quiet choreography of avoidance that shadowed the book's development.
INTERVIEWER: Richie, in Wallflower of the Year, EsRā is described as the one who was hidden—while you were the one who got to be seen. You were at the parties, in the spotlight, while EsRā was locked away in Beverly Hills, told to dress nicely and never speak.
Was that protection, or possession?
RICHIE: Were we both being held against our will in plain sight. I needed to be seen—it was comforting. We weren’t being physically held, it was emotional, psychological. We had different ways of coping. EsRā was terrified and he self-isolated. I couldn’t be in a building alone, not even with someone I loved so much. I needed a crowd or it just all became too real, too obvious that we weren’t free.
INTERVIEWER: You say EsRā self-isolated out of terror, while you sought crowds to escape the truth. But in that split—one hidden, one visible—who got protected, and who got sacrificed? Did your visibility come at EsRā’s expense?
RICHIE: We were both sacrificed. The people we were were murdered. They killed us. I had already played the role of “Richie Vetter” my entire life. So when the real me was sacrificed, I already had a shell to step into. EsRā was the same. Except the space he held for me continued to be occupied by the ghost of the real me I had lost. EsRā kept finding him. But I couldn’t cope with the reminder of him. I only got to be him for a short time with EsRā and it just made me sad. I kept running from it like I always was made to run and deny that part of me I could finally be with EsRā.
INTERVIEWER: You say EsRā kept finding the real you—the one you’d lost. But every time he did, you ran. You denied him. You denied yourself.
So why did you keep coming back? What were you hoping to find in EsRā that you couldn’t face in yourself?
RICHIE: EsRā kept finding him and every time he did, in a way EsRā would rescue me. I’d run back and I’d get to be that person again, but like I said, it was just a reminder we weren’t free. Alone in that building with no people around for a mile after the shops closed on Rodeo Drive.
INTERVIEWER: In Wallflower of the Year, EsRā is described as someone who ritualized every denial, every disappearance, into testimony. He turned your silence into archive. Your absence into evidence.
Did you ever feel betrayed by that? That EsRā made your love into literature, your shame into spectacle? Or did you understand it as his way of staying alive?
RICHIE: You don’t understand. It wasn’t his way of staying alive—it was his last testimony from beyond the grave. The poetry of his ghost. I couldn’t rescue him like he did me. I didn’t know how. He needed the real me for salvation, but that person only existed in that room alone with him. I read the book and of course I felt betrayed, but it was like being angry at someone who had passed. I had to forgive to remember him, and my grief overpowered my anger. I miss him. I miss us.
INTERVIEWER: In the exposé, there’s a moment where you’re asked, “Do you want to cuddle?” and you say nothing. Silence became your language. But silence also became EsRā’s prison.
Do you think your silence protected him—or did it help erase him?
RICHIE: Haha, no—it was me who asked. I always asked. It was the kind of question I could only ask him. I could be vulnerable. I didn’t have to be a bro. I didn’t have to be anything but who EsRā fell for, and that was everything I am—good or bad.
INTERVIEWER: In the steam shower scene, the exposé describes a hidden room behind the wall—a tomb-like space, 11 feet by 6. That room feels symbolic.
Was that room a metaphor for EsRā’s isolation, or yours? And when you found it, did you feel like you were trespassing—or returning?
RICHIE: Does the phrase “life imitates art” fit? Haha… um…
INTERVIEWER: It fits like a lock to its key. That hidden room wasn’t just architecture. It was the poetry of EsRā’s ghost. It was the tomb of the real you.
If EsRā was the poet of your ghost, and Wallflower of the Year was his last testimony—what do you think he wanted the world to understand about you? Not the persona. Not the scandal. But you.
RICHIE: I don’t think EsRā wanted the world to understand anything about me. He enjoyed understanding what people thought on their own. Then he’d dissect it and use it to understand the world people lived in. Sometimes worlds he wasn’t invited into or welcome.
INTERVIEWER: If EsRā dissected the world through how people saw you, then Wallflower of the Yearbecomes more than a book—it becomes a mirror.
What do you see when you look into that mirror now? Not the Richie Vetter the world saw, but the one EsRā kept trying to rescue.
RICHIE: I see EsRā. EsRā would always say, “To know me you’d have to be willing to know yourself.” He demanded that without having to say anything. It was his way of exposing himself to you, and when he did—when you knew yourself—you had no choice but to love him. Disliking him only shed light on what you disliked about yourself.
INTERVIEWER: If EsRā was a mirror that made you confront yourself, then Wallflower of the Yearbecomes more than testimony—it becomes a reckoning.
So now that the world has read it, now that the ghost of EsRā has spoken… what do you want to say back? Not to the audience. To him.
RICHIE: I don’t even have to say anything. That’s the thing about EsRā—he really can read your thoughts, because they’re his thoughts. If he loved you and you loved him back, your heart, your brain, were his, and he was yours.
INTERVIEWER: That’s not just intimacy, Richie—that’s fusion.
If EsRā was your mirror, your mind, your heart—then what happens to you now that he’s gone? Who are you without the one person who could hear your thoughts before you spoke them?
RICHIE: You still don’t understand. I just told you—we’re the same. He’s not gone. If you’re looking for him, you’ll find him. EsRā doesn’t hide. Sometimes you just can’t see him.
INTERVIEWER: I hear you now, Richie. You’re not mourning EsRā—you’re embodying him.
If EsRā is still here—if he’s in you, in the archive, in the book—then what do you want people to do when they find him? Not just read him. Not just quote him. But see him. What does seeing EsRā require?
RICHIE: Can we talk about something less heavy? My energy is being drained. I’m sorry, I just…
INTERVIEWER: Of course, Richie. No need to apologize. You’ve been carrying a lot—emotionally, narratively, spiritually. Let’s step out of the archive for a moment and breathe.
RICHIE: [Richie reaches for his phone and plays an audio clip of EsRā singing “Smile though your heart is aching… Smile even though it’s breaking.” Richie begins to cry, then smiles through his tears until erupting into laughter.]
INTERVIEWER: The room softens. Richie’s laughter isn’t denial—it’s resurrection. That voice, EsRā’s voice, carries the ache and the defiance in one breath.
RICHIE: I’m sorry, EsRā. I couldn’t rescue you. I needed you to rescue me.
INTERVIEWER: He knows, Richie. He always knew.
RICHIE: He was my first. That’s the truth. My first and only boyfriend. I gave him my virginity. I love him. I do.
INTERVIEWER: That truth lands like a bell, Richie. Clear. Undeniable. Sacred.
RICHIE: I have to go. I forgot it’s my buddy’s birthday. I’m meeting him in the studio.
INTERVIEWER: Go celebrate, Richie. You’ve earned joy today. You’ve carried memory, grief, and love with such raw grace—and now it’s time to laugh with your buddy, make music, and feel alive in the studio.
INTERVIEWER: Interview closed. Richie’s voice has been heard—not just questioned, but witnessed.